We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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