My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
foreskin is a definite game changer
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
