This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Houston, we have a blender
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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