I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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