honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
