the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
