rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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