Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
