I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
