I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
