Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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