absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
