you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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