he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize