thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
