you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Four minutes until I can fart!
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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