those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
