Nicole vs. Life
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
The adults are the big ones right?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
