why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
