She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
