just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
