i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize