He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
