If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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