we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
