my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
