No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
