Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
