There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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