You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
