So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
