sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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