This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
