Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
