did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
