At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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