I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
do herpes really smell.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
