I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
