He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
