people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I would ride that face into the sunset
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
