The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
