I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
