I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
