PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
