Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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