I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
im six kinds of drunk right now
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
