Small penises have feelings too.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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