the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
