I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize