i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize