Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
