the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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