He asked to "fluff my boner.."
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
