Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
