im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize