She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
