I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize