Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
