Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
