I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Im just a social blackout drinker.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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