her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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