I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize