Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Randomize
