ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
