If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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