peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize