More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize