i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
