So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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