someone get that fucking seahorse.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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