tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize