literally had 100 drinks last night.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
