so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
